She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Randomize
