I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
Randomize
