My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
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