Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
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