i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
