Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Randomize
