Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
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