Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
as a side note pls kill me
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
