Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Randomize