You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Randomize
