I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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