i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
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