I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Randomize
