I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize