You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
