is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
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