i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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