By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
Randomize
