She went from zero to smokin in five shots
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
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