someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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