He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
