Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
