Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Two words: nipple clamps
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