That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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