trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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