i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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