Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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