You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
