Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Randomize
