I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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