I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
She needs sedatives and a leash
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
Randomize
