Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Randomize
