I will die if light touches me.
I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
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