Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Randomize
