just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
I am mentally ready for anal.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize