Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
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