this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
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