worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Randomize
