I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
