you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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