Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
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