I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
