when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Randomize