it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
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