so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
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