I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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