First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Randomize
