everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
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