I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
