Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Randomize
