I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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