Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
Randomize
