Screwed.edu
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Randomize
