If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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