God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
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