I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Randomize
