Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
We left the knife in your bed.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
Randomize
