Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Randomize
