I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
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