Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
