If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize