did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Sorry my hands just texted you
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
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