is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
