Pregnant stripper...not hot.
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Randomize
