you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
