i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
You've changed since you got that strap on
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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