was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
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