Where are you?
In a non slutty way
oh god the rape fog is back!
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Randomize