had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
