so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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