If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
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