is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Randomize
