Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
we should paint friendship bongs
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