Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
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