sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize
