And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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